I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
