Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We are all done wearing pants today
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
