the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
