apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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