The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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