I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Text me some of your sweat
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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