if i can run in heels then i can drive
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
