To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's never too late to be topless.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
