im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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