I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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