Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
