I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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