As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
