Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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