He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I sprained my soul last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
