Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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