His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You ever have a fart follow you around?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
