GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
