do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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