Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
