i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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