Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
