Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
