evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
