WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
