One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
