Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
