dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
