It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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