Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
