Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
