Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
