Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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