Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
