its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
