The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
