I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
