this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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