I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
