my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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