It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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