I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
