make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
