I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
