I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
