my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
