from now on my penis is your penis
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
