my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What a dumb baby whore.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
