my vag is so smooth its legendary
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
