you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
