Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
tell me about the eggs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
