i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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