did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
