Moan for me like Helen Keller
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
