I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
