Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
