when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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