after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Pooping to opera.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
